Posts Tagged ‘marrage’

I Need A Professional To Help Me Save My Relationship

June 27th, 2010

It is surprising the amount of marriages that are going through divorce every year and this number is on the increase. There is a a lot of cases where the marriage could have actually been saved. There is a lot of cases where people find themselves saying, ” Are there steps to save my marriage that can be tried?”

The first step that you can take in order to save your marriage is to seek some marriage counseling. This is therapy for couples and it will allow you to discuss problems with your spouse within a neutral environment.

In a lot of occasions, people are so close to a situation that they lose perspective and find that they simply go around in circles. It is important to remember that even through the tough times there is a bond that brought the two people together.

The key to saving the marriage is to discover the bond and build the marriage from there. Marriage counseling works to help people to recognize what the special bond is.

Counseling can be a very expensive path to take and the truth is that not everyone can afford to go down this path. If you are looking for a way to save your marriage, then the crucial thing is to meet on neutral ground so that no one feels uncomfortable as this can make things harder. It is important to remember that everyone will bring both positive and negative things into a relationship.

One of the most important ways to save a relationship is to communicate with your partner. One of the biggest problems with a lot of marriages is the lack of communication. The only way that anyone can really know what someone else is thinking is to communicate with them and discuss it with them. Mind reading can be a very destructive and dangerous thing to do.

Successful relationships take a great deal of work and occasionally outside help is needed. Visit the site of Dr. Jim Goldstein for information on when counseling could save your marriage. If your relationship is lacking the spark and excitement that it once had, consider utilizing the services of a marriage counselor .

categories: marriage,marrage,relationships,divorce,counseling,counselling,counselor,therapy,therapist,family

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To Help You Avoid Divorce Read About Soaring In The Hot Air Balloon Of Your Life

May 16th, 2010

I’ve only been in a hot-air balloon once but it was unforgettable. We visited some friends in Albuquerque, NM, when they were having their annual Balloon Fest. Hundreds of hot-air balloons lifted off at dawn. It is one of the most photographed events in the world. My family and I took a wonderful ride in a hot-air balloon that October day. The weather was perfect and the view from 500 feet was breathtaking. I noticed something interesting that day that I have never forgotten. It had to do with the way the world looked at different altitudes. On that particular day, riding in a hot-air balloon, I came to the realization that the balloon ride was much like a marriage and somethings could be taken from the metaphoric journey that may help a struggling couple avoid a divorce.

I suddenly noticed that the height of my balloon had a lot to do with how nervous or relaxed I felt during the trip. Cruising along at about 50 or 60 feet, I felt the need to vigilantly watch for oncoming buildings, telephone poles, electrical wires and trees. Even though the trees and buildings might have been beautiful to look at, at that height, I could only see them as possible disasters waiting to happen unless we could avoid them. It was impossible to relax and enjoy my surroundings for fear that we would inadvertently slam into something that I hadn’t spotted. Of course, we never did crash into anything but it looked like we were going to come close a couple of times. What was interesting was one thing-by adding just another 150 feet to our altitude, my perspective changed and so did my anxiety. All the things that were threatening and scary before now seemed harmless, fascinating, wonderful and thrilling. Just 150 feet higher and I could completely enjoy the view and the ride and my family free from the worries inherent at the lower altitude. On the spot , I realized the value of a heightened perspective and I could see the implications for how it could transform my life.

I began to wonder what makes my balloon, my experience of life, gain altitude and stay at that wonderful height. What I came up with was gratitude. Gratitude is the hot air that keeps my balloon aloft so I can really enjoy the view and the ride. The more I focus on what I am grateful for, the higher I get and the less worrisome are the obstacles in my life. Things that would otherwise loom as problems seem interesting, but insignificant, when I’m having the heady experience of gratitude.

Ever since that ride and that realization, I have made it a habit to express my gratitude to the people around me for the even the smallest things. If I practice this with my wife, my usual issues with her seem less important, less upsetting and less relevant. Here is the good news. In my balloon of life, I supply the hot air by what I do and say and how I think so I can get as high as I want and don’t have to depend on people or circumstances to cheer me up. Now, whenever I don’t like the mood I’m in or the judgments I have cast on myself or my partner, I return to my search for things I am grateful for and express my appreciation for whatever or whomever pleases me. Suddenly, the balloon begins to rise, changing my perspective and improving my mood. Then, at that I height, I see another way of looking at things in my life. Solutions appear to me that never occurred to me down below. Often, I even find that my lower level problems, when viewed from this perspective, are not problems at all and thus require no solution. In addition, expressing gratitude also has a positive effect on the people being appreciated.

Seeing the big picture has always been a desire of mine, and lifting my balloon by focusing on gratitude seems like an easy and inexpensive way to get there. I wish you the perfect altitude and a life that soars.

If you are in a relationship, then probably you are always looking for ways to improve it. I recommend the website of Dr. Jim Goldstein, a noted marriage counselor, for some important information that could ultimately help you prevent divorce . Visit this site to receive useful suggestions to improve relationships .

categories: divorce,marriage,marrage,relationships,counseling,counselling,counselor,therapy,therapist,family

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Will You Always Love Me? Can I Make My Marriage Even Better?

May 6th, 2010

As a marriage counselor, one of the most difficult questions facing couples when they consider the idea of a lifelong commitment to their partner is, “Will I always be loved the way I am now?” and “Will I always love this person with whom I am presently in love?”

I can fully understand people’s hesitancy to commit. How bad would it be to commit yourself to a partner for life only to find that after a while, you no longer love them or vice versa? If we could be absolutely sure that the answer to both questions was “Yes”, committing to another person would be a lot easier. Unfortunately, we all have experienced the off and on nature of love.

Often, we feel tremendous love for a person and yet at other times, we can feel the opposite. Yet other times, we may feel almost nothing for them, a kind of indifference. Oddly, these changes can happen quickly, too. If love is synonymous with a feeling, then the idea that we would always feel a certain way towards someone seems unrealistic. There is no one who feels exactly the same way all the time about anybody, is there? Normally, you feel what you feel when you feel it. Thus, what can anyone promise their mate if not that they will always love them?

It helps if you think of love as a way of being and something you do, not just something you feel. While you can’t promise your partner that you will always feel love for them, you can promise your partner that you will always be loving. Your behavior is one of the things that you do have control over.

A remarkable thing happens when you decide to be loving and begin to do loving things for your partner. You end up feeling love for them and you most likely will like them more, too. I’m not exactly sure why this happens. It may have something to do with a theory, called cognitive dissonance, which states that human beings have a hard time holding two or more contradictory thoughts or beliefs in their head at the same time. For instance, if you think, “I don’t feel very loving towards my partner” combined with “I just did something particularly loving for them,” you will experience cognitive dissonance. The mind tends to resolve the dissonance by either changing the behavior or the contradictory belief. What usually happens is that you will change your thinking about your partner. Having just done something kind for them, you will change your belief to, “Actually, I do love them.”

Early in the morning, before I leave the bedroom, even if I’m in a hurry, I walk over to my sleeping wife and kiss her gently on the lips. She smiles. I whisper, “I love you” and then I leave for work. As a marriage counselor, I practice what I preach. I know she likes this, but I also know that doing it (being loving) puts me in touch with how much I love her. As I say this to her, I can feel that these words are true for me. It is not just a perfunctory gesture. That loving behavior, that way of being is something I can always achieve if I want to and it does a lot to alleviate any concerns I might have had about losing that loving feeling.

Everybody who is in a committed relationship has wondered at some point whether their partner will always love them. Dr. Jim Goldstein, who is an a professional marriage counselor, provides some valuable suggestions regarding making your relationship prosper. This suggestions should be helpful for all relationships.

categories: marriage counselor,marriage,marrage,relationships,divorce,counseling,counselling,counselor,therapy,therapist

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Four Tips On When To Share Your Feelings And When Not To

April 26th, 2010

I learned a long time ago that when people are upset, they often need to express themselves before they can get over what is bothering them.

I saw this in my children and the children of my friends and I knew it was true from my own childhood. When I was hurt, I needed to tell somebody and let those feelings out. If I didn’t, it was hard for me to feel normal and happy again.

Even now, when our grown daughter is upset, she calls her mom and lets her know what is bothering her. I see this as a good thing and I watch how quickly she recovers from her upset feelings. I don’t think she feels better because of the good advice she gets from her mother, however. I believe she feels better because she gets to fully express herself in a safe environment. Her mom knows how to listen and empathize especially well and that let’s our daughter move through her feelings and sort things out for herself.

There is one situation, however, that requires a certain amount of restraint where full self expression would ordinarily feel great – it is when you are in the middle of an unresolved disagreement with your partner. Imagine that you and your partner are at odds over something and things have gotten heated. It happens to couples all the time. Before you have resolved things, you get a call from a good friend. Still upset, you privately relate how angry you are and have a few choice words about your partner’s major maladjustments. Then you hang up. In the next hour or so you and your partner make up or work things out and life gets back to normal.

The next time you see your friend, they ask warily, “How are you and your partner getting along?” They sound sincerely concerned. You have no idea what they are referring to. “We’re fine. Why?” You see, you worked out that disagreement days or weeks ago but they are still left with a snapshot of your relationship from the quick assessment you gave them on the phone. From that last conversation, they may believe that your relationship is in serious trouble when it actually isn’t.

For this reason, I always advise the following: First, if possible, refrain from unloading on a friend when you are in the middle of an argument with your partner. Secondly, if you really can’t help but express your feelings to a friend, be sure to get back with that friend when you and your partner are back on the same team and let them know that everything is fine. Thirdly, remember that it is pretty natural to talk disparagingly about someone when you are in the middle of a dispute with them but unless you restore that person’s image to your friend, you are setting the friend up to dislike your partner. Finally, even if you are upset, try to cast your partner in the best light whenever possible -not an easy thing to do but important for the future of your relationship.

In a relationship, a person experiences many feelings, and experts tell us that there are times to express these feelings and times not to. I highly recommend you visit this site when looking for relationship advice. marrage For marriage counselling information, try Dr. Goldstein’s counselling site.

categories: marriage,marrage,relationships,divorce,counseling,counselling,counselor,therapy,therapist

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