by Multiple fragments of tissue

How to Help Your Child With Separation Anxiety

Step 1

Many children start to develop separation anxiety around their first birthday. Children learn at an early age that things exist even when they are out of sight, however, they aren’t always able to understand the concept that when something is gone, it can come back. This instills fear in children who experience separation anxiety with their parents. Young children are unable to grasp the concept that even though you’ve walked out of their sight, you’re only in the kitchen and will return to them shortly. Encourage your child to understand that you’re still with them even though you’re out of sight by singing, speaking to them from a different room, or reappearing constantly into their sight. Help them to see that even though the two of you are temporarily separated, you’ll be back in a few minutes.

Step 2

Child also have separation anxiety due to new situations. If your child has recently started day care, pre-school, or even kindergarten and is no longer with you as much, he may experience bouts of fear and anxiety in not seeing you. Help him make this transition by explaining the situation ahead of time. Tell your child that he will be starting a new day care or entering school a few months before it happens. Keep mentioning the new event often so that your child remembers it is happening. Ease his separation anxiety by going with him on the first day and staying for a little while. It’s probably best to stay at least a half an hour if you can in order to help him feel secure in his new surroundings. Explain to your child that you are leaving in a few minutes before you actually leave so that he can prepare himself. If he cries, kiss him and tell him that everything will be okay and that you will be back for him later. Allow staff or faculty to contact you so that he may speak with you to ease his separation anxiety if possible. A few days of doing this should calm your child’s fears.

Step 3

Children who are a few years older may experience separation anxiety due to the loss of a routine environment. Divorce is one situation where children experience separation anxiety because they become unsure of their surroundings. Make it a point to explain to your child that even though his mom and dad are separated, he will still see both of them often. Help your child to feel secure by telling him how much you both love him and want to be with him as much as possible. Be sure that you, your ex-partner, and child(ren) are having this conversation together. It’s very important that your child hears the same words from his other parent. A child will feel more secure and experience less separation anxiety if he is reassured of your love for him and that there is a stable plan for his life with both parents.

Step 4

Children tend to feel separation anxiety when confronted with new people, even those that are family or friends of your’s. Your child may not want you out of his sight in these instances and will cry in fear of you leaving him with people he is unsure of. Reassure him that you are not leaving him and are only introducing him to someone new. Reinforce that while he should never talk to strangers, it is okay to meet new people that his parents introduce him to. Your child will be shy around new people and his separation anxiety will worsen if you walk out of a room even briefly. So it may be best just to keep in his sights when bringing him around new people at least until he’s met these people a few times and gets used to them.