To conquer self defeating behaviour we need some form of order or path to follow. The A’s are a good way of centering the behaviour and our thinking.

Acceptance

The more we deny or repress our affliction the worse it becomes, the more we try and run away from it the worse it gets.

Acceptance does not mean we agree or even like condone our affiliction, but we do ourselves a favour by stopping wishing things were different .

The more we do not want to have the affliction the more it sticks and the worse it becomes. By not accepting our affliction we make our mindset worse.

So it helps to slow the mind down by accepting the affliction, start to see the affliction as a challenge and not as a halt to the quality of our life.

Attitude

A negative attitude will keep us in a negative mode, as mentioned start to see that affliction as a challenge and not as some monster that beats you every time.

The SAS – Special air service Motto is “Who Dares Wins” we have to dare in order to face our affliction. We have to learn to muster up courage, remember courage is not about being fearless, but more about going into a situation with the mouth dry, the hands shaking and the heart beating like hell, but still doing it. So attitude is important, a sense of “This is not going to beat me”. Regardless of our situation, whether that be, being dumped, panic attacks, shyness, it is the negative attitude that keeps us from having a good quality of life.

See your affliction as a challenge.

Action

If we think the same, react the same, want the same, expect the same, act the same, do the same, need the same , think the same, say the same, then we will FEEL the SAME!

We need action in order to transcend our problems – The simple answer is to practice opposites.

How do we practice opposites? By learning to undo the self defeating behaviour. The word is “Learning” We could try to see our affliction as a challenge and learn to over come it a day at a time. There is no rush, easy does it.

Action starts when we open our eyes in the morning, our attitude and action will decide what sort of day we have.

It is better to move forward an inch than to stay stagnant – So do what you can today to face your affliction.

Awareness

Become aware that courage is not something outside of ourselves, but an attitude.

Become aware that you have to practice opposites in order to beat the affliction. In short if you do the opposite of yourself defeating behaviour patterns, then you will recover.

Application

Apply your plan or action to your daily routine. Do not just read something and think that is a good idea! Apply and action.

Think about keywords that will spur you on such as C.H.A.N.G.E. – G.N.A.T. – S.T.I.N.G.O. – B.E.E. – W.A.S.P. – F.L.Y. – A.N.T.

Avoidance

The more you avoid the places or the reality of your situation, the more you will stay the same. We have to nuture courage to face our problems or to accept being dumped or such like.

An Agoraphobic will not get over Agoraphobia by staying indoors, someone who has been dumped in a relationship will not get over it by staying indoors and diving into self pity or disbelief. We have to face reality and that is either by action or by accepting the situation, remember the opposite of acceptance is a ‘spin dryer mind’!

So a lot of a little instead of little of a lot when it comes to recovery, face it an inch at a time, do it slowly and not in a hurried manner.

Allow

Allow yourself not to be perfect

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Allow yourself not to know all the answers

Allow yourself to have quality time

Allow yourself to give yourself compliments

Allow yourself to recover (You are worth it)

Allow other people to be what they are (If your happiness depends on what other people say or do you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life) Let them be as they are for your sanity.

Allow yourself to be angry at times (Do not let it go into full blown resentment)

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